I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
