is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
