but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
