do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
