i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Even my vagina gasped.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
