This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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