this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
