she was so not down for the gang bang
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
