I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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