I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
