god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
