I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
