i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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