I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
