I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
