you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
me + whiskey = a bad person
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
