So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
pray to the hookup gods
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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