I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
