he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think weed is turning my hair brown
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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