i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
