So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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