Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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