Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize