he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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