Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
