Where is the hickey?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
time to smoke my breakfast
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
