If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
