Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
