wrigley field is MILF paradise
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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