All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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