just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Every concussion has its silver lining
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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