Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
