becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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