I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
