If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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