Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
