After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
