I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize