u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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