Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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