my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How does it feel to date your dad?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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