I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
