i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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