im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
