so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
