i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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