five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
