I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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