There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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