return my video game
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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