I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So vagazzling was a success
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
