Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize