Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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