please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
