how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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