I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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