I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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