you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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