Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
