So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
