And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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