Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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